Identity Theft
by Kusco
Summary: Just before their first Christmas together, Flynn gets Rapunzel a Christmas gift worth more than any of the treasure he'd ever stolen during his career as a Dashing Rogue.


This is the story of how I lost my identity.

Oh don't worry, this isn't some scary tale of someone pretending to be me, racking up my tab and otherwise besmirching my good name. And frankly, there really wouldn't have been much of a point, as my name, didn't have much good attached to it yet.

It began on a cold winter's night and I was in the middle of a long and arduous journey...

* * *

As much as Flynn wanted to urge his horse to go faster, two things held him back. One, they were going about as fast as they could considering the snowstorm blowing around them. Two, and this was the important one, Maximus had already tossed him twice into a snow bank.

Flynn would probably have liked to take any other horse in the Kingdom, but Rapunzel had insisted he take Max. Deep down inside, Flynn begrudgingly acknowledged that she was right. No other horse in the kingdom could be trusted more than Maximus.

That didn't mean he had to like it.

Sure, Maximus and himself got on pretty well these days. Breaking out of jail and rescuing a princess tended to make people forget their differences, but on the other hand, unlike any other horse, Maximus had no problem bucking him off if they got in a disagreement.

And here he thought after reuniting Rapunzel with her folks he would get to spend the winter ever snug and cozy in a palace. He could be snuggled up next to a roaring fire sipping hot coco with his feet toasting under a warm blanket right now. Instead he was clinging to a horse that thought he looked hilarious covered in snow.

Through the wind and flurries of snow that forced him to squint, Flynn spotted his destination. Not that it was easy. Nestled against a hillside, the slightly lopsided structure would have blended in with the snow banks and white drifts on even a clear day. Here in the middle of a blizzard only the light in the windows, fighting back the darkness, gave it away.

A gust of wind hit them just as they passed the sign and the flimsy board clattered back and forth before dumping a fresh pile of snow on Flynn. Maximus let out a whinnying laugh, cut suddenly short by an overhead tree burying the both of them with nearly its entire contents of snow. Both horse and rider shook out of the freezing powder and finally closed the last bit of distance between them and their destination. The Snuggly Duckling.

"Alright Max," Flynn said as he reached for the door. "Now stay here and keep yourself out of trouble. I'll be out as quickly as I can."

The horse's eyes immediately narrowed and he shook his head. A moment later Maximus motioned toward the window where the warm fire could be seen burning brightly. Flynn sighed and did his best to keep his face calm and collected. This was the other reason he hadn't been crazy about Maximus tagging along.

"You know it isn't going to matter right Max?" Flynn said. "I'm going in to grab a package then I'm out, three minutes tops. You're not going to have time to warm up."

Maximus didn't even hear him. The horse just kept his eyes locked onto the fire with a large stupid grin on his equine face. Flynn glanced at the doorknob and questioned as to whether or not he could just go for it and lock Maximus out quickly enough. Knowing the horse's tenacity, he doubted that as a real option.

"Look Max, my cred here is already at an all time low," he decided to somewhat level with him. "You're a Palace horse, heck! You're _the_ palace horse! How am I supposed to maintain my image of a dashing scoundrel if you're standing next to me?"

The words scarcely left his mouth when Flynn realized he chose entirely the wrong thing to say. Before, Maximus had just been interested in getting warm. Now? Now he seemed to think that Flynn was up to something. Which to be fair… he kinda was. But that didn't negate the entire thing about his reputation.

Still the horse was having none of it, and while Flynn tried to come up with some other excuse to keep Maximus out, the choice literally slipped out of his fingers. The door behind him opened a crack and Maximus took advantage, barging in with the full force of his size and weight. Flynn fell backward into a snow bank wondering what he'd done to deserve all of this.

Brushing himself off while he entered the pub, Flynn noticed a well dressed man, and a pair of burly goons with him, collecting himself off of the ground. Apparently he'd been on the other side of the door and likewise got the brunt of Maximus' charge into the room.

The horse now sat in front of the fire, a look of sheer contentment on his face as he inched his hindquarters closer to the heat. Flynn glowered at Maximus and continued to brush himself off amid cheers from the usual Snuggly Duckling barflies. Well, cheers and jeers.

"Look who it is boys! It's Flynn Rider!"

"As I live and breathe! Rider's come to grace us with his presence!"

"Shouldn't he be at a more dainty place like the Red Rum?"

"…"

That last one came from Ulf the Mime and somehow Flynn resented it the most.

Ignoring the taunts and the fire, Flynn stomped over to the bar where his usual seat was located. He only made it halfway there when he found it occupied by some shlub he'd never seen before. After cocking a brow he turned to Axel, standing behind the bar and wiping a mug down with a dirty rag.

"Axel," he said. "Axel, You mind telling me what's going on here? Who's that guy in my seat?"

"Oh him? That's Neal, he's new."

"New? Since when did anyone new come to this place?"

"Dunno," Axel shrugged.

"But… but… that was _my_ seat!" Flynn ran over to the chair and whirled it around, almost spilling Neal out of it. "See? I even carved my name on the…"

The words fled Flynn's mouth when he saw his name had been etched out and replaced by Neal's. Without realizing it he'd fired a glare at the newcomer's face and marched over to a seat a few spaces away from him. The pub thugs laughed all the while he sat down.

"Aw come on Rider," Hook Hand said from his piano. "What do you expect when you haven't shown your face here in so long? Beside's you're so busy hamming it up with all the muckity mucks these days we figured you wouldn't care."

"What are you talking about Hook?" Flynn said. "You're the most famous pianist in the land. You're hobbknobbing it every bit as much as I am these days."

"Yeah, but I come back here every week to crush skulls and take names."

"Oh please, I haven't been gone that long! It's only been a few months since you guys had to spring me from the palace jail cells!"

"Well I've never seen you before," Neal said.

"Shut up Neal," Flynn said.

Hook Hand just shrugged and continued to tinkle away at the piano. Flynn sighed and turned to Axel, still polishing the mug with the rag.

"I came to get my package," he said.

"Oh right the package!" Axel said. "I'll be right back! Watch the bar for me!"

"Me? Why me?"

"Are you kidding Flynn?" Axel said. "With all these guys here and you? Who do you think I'm going to trust? You're the one guy that can't steal anymore because of his girlfriend."

"Oh come on! That's a harsh and completely groundless generalization!" Flynn said then spotted Maximus giving him the 'eye' from the fire. With another sigh he took a seat and poured himself a drink. Who was he kidding? Axel and Hook Hand were right. The legendary Flynn Rider was hardly legendary anymore. He hadn't even pulled a heist since stealing Rapunzel's crown.

And of course, he didn't need to do that sort of thing anymore. He lived in a palace now! He would be getting married to Rapunzel soon. So that life of crime was something that he just didn't need. But he couldn't deny that he still wanted to hear people talking about his dashing deeds of daring do!

"So, you're Flynn Rider?" a voice nearby seat came.

"Yeah," Flynn said. "You here to make fun of me too?"

"Of course not," the newcomer said and Flynn turned to him to see it was the well dressed older man from before. His goons sat at a nearby table, watching their entire conversation. Flynn shifted just slightly, angling his feet just a little bit toward the door.

"Actually I was just about to leave when you came in, I've been looking for you."

"Really?" Flynn said and his eyes drifted over to Maximus, the horse had apparently caught wind of whatever it was that was just about to go down because he now watched them with sharp eyes and tensed muscles. "What did you need me for?"

"I want to hire you," the man said and a smile crossed his face.

"Hire me?" Flynn said. "You haven't heard about my current set up? I don't exactly-"

"All I've heard is that Flynn Rider is a man that knows how to get things done and is probably the best sneak-thief in all the lands. Am I wrong about that?"

Flynn glanced back at Maximus then back at the old man. By the looks of him a very wealthy man, one that could afford armed bodyguards. Even his clothes suggested he didn't really belong here, he wore such finery that it looked like he could be the type of guy Flynn might meet in the palace.

"What I was saying," Flynn smiled. "Is that I don't exactly work for cheap."

"Oh don't worry Flynn Rider," the man said. "This is the kind of loot men sing ballad's about. Songs about the treasure and the men brave enough to steal it."

"Ha!" Flynn couldn't help himself and jabbed his finger at the man sitting in his chair. "You hear that Neal? They're going to sing songs about me!"

Neal just blinked at Flynn with a somewhat dumbfounded look.

Flynn nodded, certain he'd gotten his point across then eyed Maximus, the horses attention had drifted somewhat but Flynn needed to get him out of the game. No way would Maximus let Flynn get away with any sort of heist. The old man raised an eyebrow, waiting for him and Flynn held up a hand to get himself a minute.

Soon after he found himself in a corner booth as Hook Hand played a soft melodic tune designed to lull Max to sleep. Once the horse started dozing he would be free to slip out and pull this job for the old man. Nothing too fancy really, something about a supposed magic lamp hidden in a vault as it was being transported from one kingdom to the next. The old man left to make preparations and Flynn began plotting his next move. Some sort of magic lamp? Really it didn't seem to be everything the old timer promised but it didn't really matter. Once Flynn pulled this job, his reputation as a dashing rogue would be once again restored and they'd boot Neal out of his seat! No good Neal.

Keeping one eye on his drink and the other on his horse, Flynn waited for his 'evil' plan to come together. Slowly but surely Maximus' eyes drooped a little more. The horse's head shook periodically as he fought to stay awake but eventually the song's comforting melody proved too much for him and he settled his head down on the rug and started snoozing.

Flynn nodded to himself and finished his drink. Yet, even as he stood, Neal approached and sat down right across from him. For a moment he was tempted to just get up and leave. He had nothing to say to this usurper. But he didn't get the reputation of being the most approachable scoundrel in the kingdom for nothing.

"Make it fast Neal," Flynn said. "I kinda have a job to do."

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Neal said and signaled for them to bring Flynn another drink.

"See I've been hearing a lot about you ever since I started frequenting the Snuggly Duckling," Neal said.

"Oh yeah?" Flynn said. "Let me guess, they're talking about how I'm not really one of them anymore?"

"What? No, are you kidding me?" Neal said. "All I ever hear is how Flynn Rider is the best, how he pulled the best job ever and no one could ever top it."

"Really," Flynn narrowed his eyes. "I mean… of course I did, which job are they talking about?"

"You know, the one you pulled with the crown," Neal said.

"Really? Cause that one-"

"And that's what I've got to talk to you about," Neal kept going. "I just can't figure why after pulling your last job, you would bother taking another one with that old man."

"Well I'm just trying to show everyone that I still have my chops. It's not like I need to do the job."

"Right, but I just want to know how you did it," Neal said.

"What?"

"You're last job."

"Well that, is a long story," Flynn said.

"Your horse is going to be out for a while and the old man doesn't care when he gets the goods," Neal said then motioned to the drink. "Besides, I'm buying."

"Alright," Flynn said, reminding himself that he still hated this guy.

Flynn proceeded to tell the tale of teaming up with the Stabbington Brothers and how they snuck on top of the palace and then lowered him down into the throne room right behind the guards in order to snatch up Rapunzel's crown. He even made sure to tell how he was so confident of their success that he actually gazoontited the guard. From there he recounted the chase, getting away from Maximus and everything else leading up to finding Rapunzel's tower.

That part about the tower, and everything after he left out. Not just because how he met Rapunzel was none of Neal's business, but also because it would mean telling the guy about getting knocked out by an 18 year old with a frying pan and serious, yet understandable, mommy issues.

When the tale was done he expected Neal to have some sort of look of respect or maybe even awe on his face. He could even imagine Neal apologizing for taking his seat and offering to carve Flynn's name in there himself. Instead the guy just looked perplexed.

"Something wrong?" Flynn said.

"Okay I know there's more to it than that," Neal said.

"Nope, that's how I stole the crown."

"That's not what I meant," Neal said. "I mean stole the entire crown. Some of these guys seem to think you're the real deal, that you actually did rescue the Lost Princess and that the two of you fell in love or something like that. But come on, you're Flynn Rider, everyone that really knows you knows that's a con."

"Whoa, now that's not what-"

"So how did you fool the King and Queen? That actress you got to play the Princess must really be doing a good job. How did you trick all of them so good that now you've pretty much got the crown at your beckon call?"

"Now hold… hold on," Flynn said. "You've got it all wrong."

"Really? There's more to it? You bamboozle a witch into getting you a potion to trick them or something? Come on, let me know, everyone knows that knows Flynn Rider's name knows that he's as wiley as they come, there's no way a guy like you would do anything less. Everyone knows that."

"But I _did_ find the Lost—Rapunzel," Flynn said. "She's really the Princess, listen… fine, let me tell you the story."

Scarcely believing what he was doing, Flynn launched into his and Rapunzel's story right where he'd left off with the crown. He didn't leave a single detail out. He didn't care what this guy thought of him anymore, he just wanted him to know that Rapunzel was who she said she was.

As Flynn progressed in the tale he found himself getting lost in his own memories, of bringing Rapunzel to the Snuggly Duckling and watching in confusion, slight annoyance, and begrudging awe as she turned the band of ruffians into a bunch of soft and sweet teddy bears. He remembered seeing her for the first time with her hair wrapped up by the girls in the town square. And most vividly he recalled seeing her green eyes shine in the lantern light on the water.

It was only when he got to that part of the story that two things hit him. The first was that he actually… didn't care what these guys thought of his criminal career. He had the best girl in the world now, why did it matter now if he had some sort of rap? Flynn Rider's reputation was his old dream. The second realization was that Hook Hand had begun playing the song he and Rapunzel had sung on the lake.

Flynn's eyes went to from the pianist, who just shrugged and nodded over to the fireplace. There, sitting nice and cozy was Maximus, wearing a triumphant smirk on his horse face.

"Rider," Axel finally called over from the bar. "I have your package."

"Right," Flynn nodded and got up. "Come on Max."

The horse jumped up and clopped over to them. Neal followed, running up alongside Flynn as he collected his package and headed to the door.

"Wait… what about your story… what about your job?"

"Maybe I'll finish the story next time I'm here Neal," Flynn shrugged. "But as far as the job goes… you take it. I'm… I'm not that guy anymore."

"What do you mean?" Neal said. "You're Flynn Rider, the greatest Con and Sneak Thief in the kingdom."

"That's what they say," Flynn said and exited the pub. "But I have to get back to Rapunzel before she misses me."

The moment he stepped out a gust of wind hit him and he pulled his coat a little tighter. Yet somehow he still felt warm. After stowing the package away into the saddle bag, Flynn worked his way around to step out in front of the horse.

"That was a dirty trick," Flynn said. "Getting Hook Hand to play that song."

Maximus chuckled to himself and Flynn rolled his eyes before the two of them started back toward the palace. Back to home.

* * *

"There you are," Rapunzel said as he came down the stairs. A small assembly of kids gathered around her, waiting for her to hand out the presents. She'd gathered together some of the local orphanages and brought them to the palace to celebrate Christmas, complete with a roast goose and presents. Something he would have loved as a kid.

And she stood there in her new ruby red Christmas outfit, complementing the green tunic he now wore in honor of the party. Pascal sat on her shoulder wearing tiny mittens and a scarf. He had to smile at the sight, he'd almost tried to pull a stupid job last night rather than be here and see her like this.

"Sorry," he said. "I had a late night."

"I told you you should have headed out before the storm," she shrugged.

"Yeah, but what would be the fun in that?"

"Hmmm, good point," she smiled then turned to the children. "Kid's I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine-"

"Eugene," he said. "My name is Eugene Fitzherbert"

Rapunzel barely contained her gasp. Apart from her parents he had always introduced himself as Flynn Rider to everyone they met. He looked over and smiled at her before taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. If she asked he would claim it was a Christmas present. But from now on he knew who he wanted to be. The guy that didn't cause anybody to doubt how great his Rapunzel was. That wasn't Flynn Rider, that was Eugene Fitzherbert.

* * *

So yeah, that's the tale. What did I tell you? It was a fun story! Not at all depressing!

_Whatever happened to Neal?_

No idea Blondie, for all I know he got that lamp and wished to get a better name. What kind of name is Neal, really?

_Eugene…_

Oh come on, Neal is just the worst.

* * *

For my Disney Girl, Merry Christmas!


End file.
